im slowly getting there…
hey i went to the gym and i went with jason…blah and our friend erika. anyway jason did his own thing and me and erika worked out on the tredmill and yea we were catching up
she didnt know we broke up so i let her know. and yea we would always gossip about my life and her life so that was always fun. anyway she i were talking alot and she is single and she was telling me about the single life. obviously for my situation im am not living that life yet. but im very slowly getting there. i need to make friends that are guys and break out of my shell .. its just the shell is too hard and im slowly chippin away at it. but yea we stayed at the gym hella long. then left like at 11pm when i dropped him home.. of course he wanted me to come in. at first i was like. idk.. ill help you put your stuff inside… cus he got groceries at raleys b4 the gym. i went in and we awkwardly sat at the dining table for a bit and talked. i could see it in his eyes and body language he wanted to do something but i didnt want to. stricken with guilt we didnt do it but i was a tease/i messed around like we were but i just stopped and was like im tired so we lay on the couch and sleep. i killed it for him .. but i didnt care. then after i woke up i said i had to go and he was like. we didnt even do anything…. i was like its ok to not do anything. and i leave cus i say its “late”..even though i use to stay a lot later b4.. its just now i dont want to… i kinda blamed it on i was punishing him for not doing his paper that was due today but he complained and was like “but your always punishing me now” which means i keep refusing It. and yea i just have to keep reminding myself over and over to not put myself in a vulnerable position where he can suggest that stuff and he makes me feel bad. im slowly getting there…
btw i put 2 posts on the same day cus if put together its hella long. plus theyre two diff things
